Over the next several posts, we will address the seven emotions that keep us stuck in survival and the steps that we can take to move to courage.
The first emotion that we will address here is Shame. On the Map of Consciousness Explained by Dr. David R. Hawkins, Shame is the lowest level in the energy field and “it is destructive to our emotional and psychological well-being.” Shame causes low self-esteem and a negative self-image.
You may be asking yourself, how does one move from Survival to Courage?
Today, I will share five steps with you that I use in order to live a shameless life. You no longer have to be ashamed of who you are. Simply practice the steps below when shame continues to rear it’s shameful head.
Shame was a huge emotional struggle for me to transcend. I was constantly shaming myself and projecting it onto others by shaming them. Being a black lesbian brought up a lot of shame for me. I remember at the age of twenty one while in college, I was suddenly awakened to the fact that I was a lesbain. The sudden awareness took me by surprise. Was it really a surprise or had I unconsciously buried it into my subconscious mind? I believe the latter is true for me, and I certainly had a good reason, well that was the story I told myself. I had to survive, I was only 5years old when I first heard my father verbally abusing gay people and threatened to disown any of his children if they “turned out gay.” This resulted in deep self-hatred and a low self-image.
Being Jamaican and a lesbian was wrong! I was taught very young that people were less than if they were romantically attracted to and loved another person of the same gender. I was ashamed of myself for loving another woman, I was ashamed to tell the other woman, and most of all I was ashamed to tell my family. What would they think of me? Would they disown me? I battled with the emotions of shame for a very long time. During this difficult time, I contemplated sucicide and I thought being dead was better than being a lesbain.
I was constantly thinking how could I live like this, what’s wrong with me? How could I be a lesbian, am I sick? The self-shaming continued for many years and left me broken. I struggled emotionally, and to cover up the shame I became obsessed with my weight and body image. Additionally, I hide behind my overachievements and my constant obsession with achieving more, more, more, one more bigger better thing. Once I achieved this or that, I would feel better but nothing changed.
Can you relate? Now take a moment to reflect on your life, can you think of a time in your life when you were constantly feeling ashamed of who you are? I am not enough because I am...gay/lesbian, woman/man/transgender, black/white/asian, intellengent/unintelligent, disabled/abled etc.
If you answered yes to any of the above, keep reading. The emotions of shame damages our self-esteem, self-image and self-worth. When we feel unworthy, we have an unhealthy concept of who we really are which results in a lack of self-respect and a need to prove oneself. Therefore, we look to the external word for validation and we develop the need to please and be liked by others. This occurs because we don’t like ourselves so we overcompensate.
Make the decision right now that you are no longer going to live from the emotions of survival and have the courage to change so you can truly discover the magnificent person that you are.
Start here and leave shame behind.
Step1: Self honesty
Step 2: Become an observer of your feelings and emotions
Step 3: Identify what’s causing the shame
Step 4: Be still and just observe the shame without reacting to it
Step 5: Stop shaming others
Coming up next week, our topic will be the emotion of guilt. “Being Guilty is for Victims”
Love and Light,