If you are feeling hopeless, helpless and victimized, there is good news. This emotional state can be transformed to courage, but it requires the willingness to examine your thoughts and actions.
After coming out as a gay woman during college, I was in a state of apathy and depression. I thought the only way out was to kill myself and I did not have the tools to handle these extreme emotions. This emotional state lasted for a very long time and I covered it up with achievements and exercise. -See the first post in this series.
At that time, I noticed when I was actively engaged, the feelings of apathy and depression would go away. But I had no awareness of how to permanently keep those feelings away. Feelings of worthlessness, blaming others and victimization continued until I started examining my thoughts, emotions and actions. I realized that when I think a thought, I would have an image in my mind that created a cascade of other thoughts, feelings and emotions that led me deeper into depression. Gradually, I got help and started learning what I could do to change my emotional state—to be honest, I thought the only way out of deep depression was when my family and society accepted me as a gay Black woman. Of course, I could not change the minds of others, but I learned how to change my mind. It begins with self: when I began to take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, emotions and actions, I had an expanded level of awareness. I had the courage to start imagining myself happy, healthy and free.
If you are experiencing feelings of extreme sadness, hopelessness, despair and victimization, there is a way out. This is an ongoing process of examining your thought process and being the observer of the thoughts that arise. Start becoming aware of how you respond when you think a thought and question the thought. Ask yourself, why must I—or someone—be wrong, bad or at fault. What do I believe about this person or situation. Regardless of the pain and suffering that you believe that person or situation may have caused, begin to ‘let go’ of self-pity, resentment, self-excuses and anger. This will free you from the emotions of victimization. I understand that this may not come easy, but to transform from being in a state of apathy and depression, requires the practice of constant letting go and forgiveness. “We simply picture the kind of person we want to be and surrender all the negative feelings and blocks that prevent us from being that. What happens then is that all we need to have and to do will automatically fall into place.” David R. Hawkins
Here is how I started.
Step 1: I forgive myself and others
Self 2: I accept myself just as I am
Stop 3: I let go of being a victim, blaming myself and others
Step 4: Today I take full responsibility for my thoughts, emotions, and actions
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and share your story of how these steps are going for you.
Peace and love,